INVENT

Invent those things that do not exist in your life.

Inventors never give up. They apply every lesson as they go, building upon the knowledge from previous steps.

Take what you know and add to it until you build that one great invention, your life.

Day 14 from lettertomygirlfriends from I Can Do This

IDEAS

Ideas are like seeds to your plan. You have to disperse them in order for them to grow.

Don’t discount anything until you have proven it’s value.s

Take time to evaluate.

Day 13 from letterstomygirlfriends from I Can Do This

INVIGORATING

When you take charge of your thoughts, and in turn your life, invigorating feelings seep into everything you do.

There is a hopefulness to your future.

You spirit begins to soar.

Day 12 from lettertomygirlfriends from I Can Do This

INDEPENDENCE

Independence is not an option. That is what this is all about. Having the spirit of independence is not an option but a necessity.

This must be an integral part of the scaffolding you use to construct your life.

Join with others in being independent.

Day 11 from letterstomygirlfriends from I Can Do This

INSPIRE

Inspire others with your positive approach and perseverance.

Everyone benefits when one of us succeeds.

Day 10 from lettertomygirfriends from I Can Do This

IMPRESSIVE

Impressive is an adjective attached to anyone who follows an ideal and achieves it.

Your  work will be obvious to all who choose to look.

Day 9 from lettertomygirlfriends from I Can Do This

INCLUSIVE

Be inclusive.

Bring others into your circle of knowledge.

Nothing makes a job easier than having others to cheer you on and to be cheered on as well.

There is strength in numbers, they say.

You cannot have too many friends.

Day 8 from lettertomygirlfriends from I Can Do This

INGENUITY

Use ingenuity in doing or changing what needs to be done.

Make a new road with new approaches.

Celebrate your uniqueness.

Day 7 from lettertomygirlfriends from I Can Do This

INVEST

Invest in yourself in every way.

Halfway to anything means you never get there.

Push ahead, knowing your future will benefit.

Day 6 from lettertomygirlfriends from I Can Do This

INSISTENT

Be insistent that you follow your ideals daily.

Give yourself permission to put yourself and your dreams first.

Don't let the mundane keep you from soaring up and out.

Day 5 from lettertomygirlfriends from I Can Do This.

IMMERSE

Immerse yourself in the process. Think about what you want when it counts – when you are applying what you have learned.

Think about what you want while you are doing the things your current situation requires you to do.

You are not limited by space and time. Remember change begins with a wish.

Day 4 from lettertomygirlfriends from I Can Do This

Forgive me for the long and seemingly endless pause. Electronics have failed me but I am up and running again.

IMAGINE

Imagine what your life looks like in your dreams. Close your eyes and see those things that make you happy, calm and successful in your life. Whenever you are fearful to try new things, look at that life you envision. Keep that picture with you everyday and draw on it as inspiration.

Day 3 from lettertomygirlfriends from I Can Do This

INTENTION

Everything you do in life should have a defined purpose that leads you in your desired direction.

What is your intention?

In art, the end result is arrived at by intention.

Think of your life as your art. You are creating your life, day by day, action by action, thought by thought. Enjoy your efforts. Admire the progress as you go. Watch your artful life become your masterpiece.

Day 2 from lettertomygirlfriends from I Can Do This. Intention.

IGNITE

It’s time. Time to take action. Time to exit limbo.

Ambivalence is a trap that deprives you of joy and freedom, intimacy and hope.

Ignite in yourself a passion for the things you want and love. Nothing can quell passion unless you allow it.

Day one of lettertomygirlfriends. The letter I, prompting 31 days of encouragement.

You Are Worth the Effort

How  does one start a climb? Spend your days renewing your vision. Apply everything you do towards your growth.

Do you care for children? Think how that relates to Human Resources or conflict resolution, child psychology, menu planning, personal shopper, accounts payable/receivable. Do you take care of a home? Dinner? How about hospitality, cost effectiveness comparisons, scheduling. I am not suggesting that you go out and apply for these positions. I am just pointing out that you contribute so much to everyday life. If you think about all you contribute you should be amazed and fortified in spirit. You need to see yourself as someone who has a lot to offer. Don’t let the years that you worked in your home make you think less of yourself.

Today there is an underlying contest raging between those who stay home and those who do not.. Guess what people…..It is not a contest! A title does not make you more or less of a person and neither does your pay. I am pretty sure that you know, intuitively, that you are a capable person with lots to offer.

Do what you can to improve your mind at every opportunity, knowing that you are going to need new skills when you enter into your new world.

Watch the news. All the news. Not the left or the right, but both. Keep current. Read. You cannot read too many books. Make yourself informed and interested and interesting and viable to those you meet. Create in yourself, a person who would be interesting to you. Above all else, be good to yourself. Love yourself. Pat yourself on the back every morning for making the effort to change your life. You are worth the effort. No one deserves to live in fear or despondency.

Others will respond positively if you are positive. And if they don’t, you won’t mind. You are your own person at the end of each day. Live accordingly. Do everything you can to your best ability, even when you don’t want to. When you do this you learn to respect yourself. That translates into confidence to all you meet. The I CAN DOattitude is contagious and sought after. It makes you desirable.

No regrets either. You are where you are because you needed to be there. The journey was what it was and is continuing. All of life is a journey. Share your knowledge with everyone you meet. Grow a world of successful, confident women. The reason I am doing this is because I believe that giving success to others by encouragement is in itself success. The end result is success for all. Pull your girlfriends, your daughters, your moms and grandma’s out of dependency with you. Think what the world would look like filled with confident women who raised their families and continued to contribute to the world.

The next post will start the 31 day collection of uplifting and inspirational affirmations. This is where your journey to independence starts. Read one a day. Focus on that one thing. You can’t help but move forward when you give yourself positive reinforcements. I hope this is helpful to all who use it. It is my intention to have as many friends succeed as possible. Please leave comments and join the community of women who want to love and support one another. Be sure to follow this blog for the e-mail updates.

A Wistful Leap?

What does your life look like when it is all that you want it to be? Can you imagine it? What are the changes you would make? Be specific. It is easy to be generically unhappy about life. This exercise is calling for you to think about all the nooks and crannies of your day and how they can be different.

You get to choose your life in your dreams. Go big, as they say

When you originally  gave your power to choose your life, that in itself was a choice. Most likely it was for a nobler purpose. To stay home with your children is a good example. This causes you to give over your power to your spouse/partner in order to devote yourself to the care of your children. This, of course, is an agreed upon relinquishment. Maybe illness of a family member forced you to be the care-taker. I am sure there are as many scenarios as there are people. But the question is, “Are YOU ready to take back your autonomy?”

Considering  how long you were dependent, you may be at a loss as to where to start.

In my personal story, I chose to leave a career to become a full-time stay-at-home mom. Seventeen years later, when my nest was in upheaval, I decided to stick my toe into the pool of employment once again. I did not go straight to my deserted profession however. Not even close. I was too insecure for that having lost the vocabulary to even attempt to reintegrate into the business world that I once felt so secure in.

I went for menial and part-time labor. It was that small incremental step I referred to earlier. It was the best attempt I could allow myself.

I did it. I survived. I was out the door and building confidence once again, in a workplace environment.

On now to the next level.

Take the small steps. If it helps you out the door, do it. I have heard that you should never accept a position that is beneath you. I am not sure exactly what these people are referring to. Remember, no one knows your truth better than you. You need to exist where you are ready to exist. This is not a place anyone else is able to discern.. That said, I do think that it is important to use these positions purposefully in order to make an upward climb. Build your confidence at whatever pace you need, but do not forget to continue.

There is an excerpt from The Shoemakers Wife, by Adriana Trigianni……”she has begun the slow, careful climb of re-invention.”

This is exactly the approach we need to take. Be slow, deliberate and  careful. Make informed decisions along with wistful leaps, if need be, to start your climb out. Let your imagination be your guide.

Guilt Free Re-Invention

I learned at an early age that I had to look out for myself emotionally. The path my life took was not completely conventional but certainly not horrific either. Everything turned out fairly well in the end. Early in my life I was drawn to introspection in order to understand my situation.

As an infant, I was left by my biological mother. I cannot help but wonder if most of my life was affected by this imprint of abandonment and, consequently,  insecurities that were then destined to haunt me because of it. I do believe that it is inherent in us to react to our environment, even at such a young age. Of course these things need to be weighed according to each circumstance. We all make the decisions we do based on the the moment we live them. Every decision is individual to that person and cannot be judged by another, rightly.

I made many decisions in my life, that could be, and have been, criticized. You could believe the critics or chose to see yourself in your own truth.A truth that no one else could ever know. I chose to do what is right for me. There isn’t another person who knows what that looks like.

I GET TO CHANGE DIRECTION WHEN IT IS BEST FOR ME.

Now I can hear the rumblings of self-justification from the critics as I sit here, but I have, with much thought, come to these truths honestly and without pause.

Considering a change is a good start.

It means you no longer accept staying the same. Only you know what that looks like. You re-assess your path singularly and with the most expert input.

This will not be a piece of cake. It is hard work to stay focused on the course in the face of so many possible outcomes. It is overwhelming to say the least. The millions of bits of information available would seem to make the task ahead easier. Instead, you have the added complication of eliminating options while proving and qualifying options. The proverbial TOO MUCH TO PICK FROM. It can be exhilarating. Accept it as a challenge, not an obstacle.

Happiness is at the finish line.

I knew a graduate student, studying here in the U.S., from a country in Africa. The first time he went to the grocery store to purchase breakfast cereal, he became paralyzed with option overload. It’s not too hard to imagine if you have had to buy breakfast cereal lately. Well, in a life course decision, having too much to choose from is exponentially paralyzing. These choices are important, after all, aren’t they?

Don’t give up. Break it into small pieces if that is all you can handle on a particular day. Maybe tomorrow you can accomplish more. Maybe not. The goal is just to do something, everyday. This is how you reach your goal. One foot in front of the other.

Consider this-you still have the same 24 hours in your day, only now those hours are wide open. Now you can re-invest in yourself. Guilt free. Re-invent yourself. It’s time to take the power back that you relinquished all those years ago.

Take it back because your children no longer need it. Take it back because you need it for yourself.Take it back because you want it.

How to Choose

The decision to stay home, leave your profession,probably led you to give over your trove of experience, authority and power to construct your life for the good of children, home and marriage. You enter the self-made position  as a bottomless well, full of energy and devotion. There is nothing you cannot or will not do to make this endeavor successful. At least that is how you see it.

The career choice, homemaker/stay-at-home-mom, lasts for, on the average, 25 years. That is about the length of time it takes to launch most, if not all, of the children from the nest. This is the point where we get lost.

Life has continued without pause while we were preoccupied with all things home. Most things have changed. A lot! Everything is different now. Some of us were fortunate, some by choice or just plain luck, to keep a small portion of ourselves in the world outside. All I wanted to do was stay home with my children. And I did. I never looked back. Happy at my decision, I would venture to guess that those of us who had the luxury, gladly dove into our homes and out of the world. Wrong or right is as individual a reflection as we are from one another. But that was then.

This is now.

Our children, the objects of our devotion, no longer need our huge investment of time.

It is time to re-assess what we are to do with our days. Redefine what we do next and who is along for the ride. This gets a little shaky for many. I know a lot of couples who split at this time. I believe it is for this exact reason. There is no longer a defining purpose for the couple. Many no longer even know each other, having lost personal connection during the child rearing years. There is also, I believe, a distinct physiology that occurs when men and women are no longer the age to procreate. It could be that the person we were attracted to or who was attracted to us, in order to create, has been erased due to chemistry.Some people are able to span that missing link. Others not so much. Certainly many are called by doctrine to overcome these obstacles, thinking this is what separates us from the animal kingdom.

There is always the life together, raising the kids, extended families and all the memories that make you feel warm and fuzzy. For some, the differences are too great. That said,could it be that the model of the mom and dad team is no longer needed?

If I could apply the earlier analogy, it is time to choose again. Choose a new plan for your life. If you and your hubby are sympatico, on many levels, multiple things in common- not related to the children, good communication skills and a comparable sense of  humor, then you are the winners of an elite group of people who make it to the end. You can probably look forward to a life together till the day one of you dies. These couples are rare and that is proven by the fact that they are celebrated on a global scale when we hear of them.

Some do not have enough in common to stay together in a room for one night let alone till death do they part. Is it wrong to move on to the next phase of life? To expect more than a paltry existence for the rest of your days? What if you are only 50? 55? 60? How long do you think you will live? How about your spouse? Can you do this for however long that looks like?

To stay in a relationship that cannot or will not change, in which you do not thrive, leads to resentment. I do not claim to understand how some people are content and some are not. Many couples suffer at this time.

There is a plethora of reasons why we insist on staying in a model that no longer works or is needed. I am sure fear is somewhere near the top of that list. Habit for habits sake is there too. Well in spite of the fact that you like or dislike the arrangement of marriage, at this point, when your kids are gone from the nest, you are free to explore other possibilities.