The decision to stay home, leave your profession,probably led you to give over your trove of experience, authority and power to construct your life for the good of children, home and marriage. You enter the self-made position as a bottomless well, full of energy and devotion. There is nothing you cannot or will not do to make this endeavor successful. At least that is how you see it.
The career choice, homemaker/stay-at-home-mom, lasts for, on the average, 25 years. That is about the length of time it takes to launch most, if not all, of the children from the nest. This is the point where we get lost.
Life has continued without pause while we were preoccupied with all things home. Most things have changed. A lot! Everything is different now. Some of us were fortunate, some by choice or just plain luck, to keep a small portion of ourselves in the world outside. All I wanted to do was stay home with my children. And I did. I never looked back. Happy at my decision, I would venture to guess that those of us who had the luxury, gladly dove into our homes and out of the world. Wrong or right is as individual a reflection as we are from one another. But that was then.
This is now.
Our children, the objects of our devotion, no longer need our huge investment of time.
It is time to re-assess what we are to do with our days. Redefine what we do next and who is along for the ride. This gets a little shaky for many. I know a lot of couples who split at this time. I believe it is for this exact reason. There is no longer a defining purpose for the couple. Many no longer even know each other, having lost personal connection during the child rearing years. There is also, I believe, a distinct physiology that occurs when men and women are no longer the age to procreate. It could be that the person we were attracted to or who was attracted to us, in order to create, has been erased due to chemistry.Some people are able to span that missing link. Others not so much. Certainly many are called by doctrine to overcome these obstacles, thinking this is what separates us from the animal kingdom.
There is always the life together, raising the kids, extended families and all the memories that make you feel warm and fuzzy. For some, the differences are too great. That said,could it be that the model of the mom and dad team is no longer needed?
If I could apply the earlier analogy, it is time to choose again. Choose a new plan for your life. If you and your hubby are sympatico, on many levels, multiple things in common- not related to the children, good communication skills and a comparable sense of humor, then you are the winners of an elite group of people who make it to the end. You can probably look forward to a life together till the day one of you dies. These couples are rare and that is proven by the fact that they are celebrated on a global scale when we hear of them.
Some do not have enough in common to stay together in a room for one night let alone till death do they part. Is it wrong to move on to the next phase of life? To expect more than a paltry existence for the rest of your days? What if you are only 50? 55? 60? How long do you think you will live? How about your spouse? Can you do this for however long that looks like?
To stay in a relationship that cannot or will not change, in which you do not thrive, leads to resentment. I do not claim to understand how some people are content and some are not. Many couples suffer at this time.
There is a plethora of reasons why we insist on staying in a model that no longer works or is needed. I am sure fear is somewhere near the top of that list. Habit for habits sake is there too. Well in spite of the fact that you like or dislike the arrangement of marriage, at this point, when your kids are gone from the nest, you are free to explore other possibilities.
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